05:03:45 pm on
Sunday 23 Jun 2024

Parliament Hill Follies: 1
Bob Stark

He has eyes in the back of his eyes as well as on top of his head".

Jeremy Roenick aka 'JR' , San Jose Sharks

Well, JR was speaking of recent Hall of Fame inductee Igor Larionov's ability to see the whole ice. He was not likely endorsing the competency or perceptual abilities of our soon - to - be - former Prime Minister, Stephen Harper aka Blind Stevie DoTell

However the current play - offs end on Parliament Hill, one can almost be sure that Steve is dead meat. No amount of stick - handling will get him out of this corner. He's about to receive the biggest head shot of the season concussed by his own team mates!!

As many have observed, Harpoon not content with uniting the Right, has now galvanized the Left while, simultaneously, foolishly, almost single handily, tearing the country apart and once more the word, "seperatist," has supposedly grown up Canadians bolting their doors and checking under their beds at night.

Alongside Jim Flatuence and his own inner circle jerk, the Cons gambled by pulling their goalie and going for an all offence, offensive, 24/7 knock - out win not only to defeat the opposition but obliterate them for all time. Add a little high - sticking to the civil service and a cross - check to pay equity and the game would be won, for forever, amen, pass the him-nals. Even the Broad Street Bullies never went this far! Having a mid - season centre - ice brawl is one thing; going into the stands and whacking the fans is quite another. The Marquis of Queensbury, let alone the Queen of England, would not be amused.

Imagine what we would have if the Cons had won a majority? If Harpoon was willing to go for the jugular in a minority government, I shake at what he might have tried to get away, would have got away with a s a majority government.

Ah but that has always been OUR saving grace with the Cons. Give 'em enough rope and they will certainly hang themselves with it by either slippery non - silver - tongued speech or dastardly deed. Remember these clowns are from the Mike Harris regime. Welcome to the new Ontario, where you either end up dying on the street, die from bad water or get listeria. These clowns not only like filling prisons, they like filling morgues.

Rex Murphy said it best - Harpoon is either dumb or arrogant. Or both! Whichever it is, Harpoon will be getting several lumps of coal in his Christmas stocking from Santa this year.

His recent pathetic railings against the Bloc are divisive and quite frankly hypocritical. Politics makes for strange bedfellows and these boys have been snuggling the same pillows in the past themselves.

We've gone from listeria to hysteria, with right - wing talk show hosts and even some more moderate media types flaming the silly flames of "coup d'etat!" and "undemocratic", with obvious Conservative party hacks standing on Sussex Drive shouting " respect my vote" or some such twaddle.

Let us be reasonable. These supposedly 'responsible' journalists do not know their constitutional, parliamentary rules.

Go back to school and learn some Politics 101 for God and country's sake!!.

The government is a minority; all governments require the confidence of the house (read: a majority of support); each member is elected by their constituents to represent them in the House - each one has the same rights, one man, one vote (unless the part whip says otherwise!). Harper, in the guise of an economic statement, tried to bully and shove a piece of partisan dangerous crap through the House and the opposition, much to his pin - brain surprise, balked, and threatened to vote against it in enough numbers to signify, rightly or wrongly, that the House had lost confidence in the government. Nothing about any of that is undemocratic or otherwise - it is how our system is designed. It is actually set up that way to protect democracy!!! The tax money for ALL parties is also a bottom - line protection to ensure ALL Voices are heard. Even Stephen Harper knows that, but still I'll be blunt he lies to the people.

This is the same 'leader' that called an election to avoid facing the electorate when the economy tanked, saying that parliament was 'dysfunctional'. Then, having won a minority, preached about how the new parliament would signal a new era - one of communication and understanding and then he pulls this poor the first chance he gets!

He is a conniving lying little plastic dildo who should be sent to the recycling bin.

Yet, suddenly, from out of the ashes, like Icaruses rising, we have the Three Amigos - the strangest collection of wanna - be Prime Ministers the country has ever seen, sitting side-by-each, smiling, shaking hands, singing jolly old St. Nick is a very good soul

Talk about a Coalition of the Shilling. This may not be a "Coup" but it certainly is a "Cuckoo".

The NHL has it's loser point for coming second. Now, Parliament Hill has losers lining up to claim the Stanley Cup and at the Head of the Crass is Stephane Dion, non - leader of the Ad - Libs, severely whooped leader by the electorate, and proposed "I'm resigning but I'll stick around for five months as leader until," until well who knows?

First we'll have a Five and Dime Store Prime Minister who came a distant second in the election - completely rejected by Canadians, then skewered by his own party even as the results poured in; and then he'll presumably pass the Big Captain's jersey off to either Left - Winger Bobby Rae or Centre - Right Winger Mikey Ignatieff - who came in 2nd and 3rd to Dion the last time the Libs had a contest! The National Losers Party!

More people will have voted for Dion to NOT become Prime Minister than will vote for Ignatieff, Rae, or LeBlanc to BE Prime Minister. Fifty - percent plus 1 vote in a restricted party election will name the next Prime Minister of Canada!

Completely Loopy.

And sitting right er left beside them, will be the Little Drummer Boy, Jack. "If I can't be PM, ergo EGO, a cabinet position will just have to do!" And on the other side of him, the cleverly disguised and smiling Grinch who just became de facto King of Christmas. Saturday night we're made to suffer Leaf Nation; now the other six nights, we'll be made to suffer Quebec Nation.

And to top off the Top Hat Vaudeville Show, there were the three Tenors: Rae, LeBlanc, Ignatieff, blowing kisses and throwing roses to the press crowd. The Cup has not quite been won but heck, let's have the parade anyways!

And now, Elizabeth May has piped - in, me too, me too! Not content to getting a podium on the debate, she's skating hard, on very thin ice, to get a cabinet placing.

The only way to make sense of this is to maybe suggest the following: you're watching the Sens - Canucks play the 7th game of the Cup final, series tied 3 - 3, game tied 2 - 2 late in the third period, with Alfie heading towards Luongo on a break - away .the screen goes blank, flickers, comes back on again and there's Peter Mansbridge announcing that the Leafs have won the Cup!!

And what pray tell should the G - G do?

Nobody - well, save some quacks - agrees with what Harpoon did.

Nobody wants another election.

Nobody wants a second - hand rose, S. Dion, and his merry minions, as Prime Minister. (The poor man just scraped - off the blood from all the knives in his back and has awoken to the cheering Brutes shouting "IL EST TU, Stephane! The King is dead! Long live, oh well, why not: the King!! "

My advice to the G - G?

Call Colin Campbell. Quick. Let's suspend the whole bunch and give Anarchy a fighting chance.

"Jack and Gilles went up to the Hill

To fetch a pale of power ."

Somewhere, Stanley Knowles is weeping. (The sad part about that is most people have forgotten who Stanley Knowles is, including the media.)

Hope you didn't recycle your voting card!

(Big Brother is about to address the nation. Mark my words, one thing he will not do is apologize.)

Bob Stark is a musician, poet, philosopher and couch potato. He spends his days, as did Jean-Paul Sarte and Albert Camus, pouring lattes and other adult beverages into a recycled mug, bearing a long and winding crack. He discusses, with much insight and passion, the existentialist and phenomenological ontology of the Vancouver 'Canucks,' a hockey team, "Archie" comic books and high school reunions. In other words, Bob Stark is a retired public servant living the good life on the wrong coast of Canada.

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