02:13:52 am on
Tuesday 16 Jul 2024

Fat, Drunk, Stupid
Jennifer Flaten

It is a sad time here in Wisconsin. First, the listing of fattest states comes out and we have dropped several positions. We went from 22nd fattest state in the union in 2007 to a dismal showing of 26th fattest state in 2008. We obviously need to increase our intake of beer and cheese.

As if that wasn't bad enough, we also lost our ranking as the drunkest city in America. That's right; Milwaukee, Wisconsin, home to Miller beer, the beer that made Milwaukee famous is no longer the king of drunks. We have abdicated that title to Austin, TX.

How is it possible that a city that serves alcohol at the zoo can lose it's ranking as the number one drunkest city? We obviously need to try harder! Maybe, we can add at least one more alcohol fueled summer festival to our already packed schedule.

At least I can take comfort in knowing that other states are just as obsessed with alcohol as we are. I think as a nation overall, we just put too much emphasis on drinking.

I know parents who spend their kids 21st birthday praying that the kid doesn't end up with alcohol poisoning.

Therefore, I was flabbergasted to learn that some University presidents are behind the idea of lowering the drinking age to 18. According to these scholars, lowering the drinking age may actually bring down the amount of binge drinking found on campus.

Sure, it will. It will lower the number of kids that actually make it to college, as more of them will end up dead in a pool of vomit, shortly after they turn 18.

When did drinking become a national past time? Some one really needs to enlighten me as to what is so fascinating about drinking.

How did America evolve into a county of lushes? I am not a teetotaler; I just fail to understand what is so great about ending up in a pile of your own vomit?

I want to know, why is getting so drunk you pass out and cannot remember a thing, cool? People pay large amounts of money to attend concerts, sporting events, you name it, and then they proceed to drop another huge amount of money on alcohol. Then they proceed to get so drunk they slip into a stupor and miss the event they paid so much money for...and they think this is a good time.

Advertising for alcohol is inescapable. It turns up everywhere, TV, Print, plastered to a side of a bus. All the ads are the same; the implication is that you aren't having fun unless you are drinking.

Anyone who doesn't feel this way, such as me, is suspect. The natural assumption is that someone who doesn't drink must be a recovering alcoholic.

As if, it is impossible to resist alcohol unless you had a problem with it. Kids, lie and risk arrest just to get a taste of it.

The most ironic thing is most people dislike the taste of beer and other alcoholic beverages. That is why so many drinks are fruity and frothy in nature, to hide the taste of the alcohol.

So why do people still consume them? It appears we like to go through life fat, drunk and stupid.

Jennifer Flaten lives where the local delicacy is fried cheese, Wisconsin. She writes about family life, its amusing or not so amusing moments. "At least it's not another article on global warming," she says. Jennifer bakes a mean banana bread and admits an unusual attraction to balloon animals and cup cakes. Busy preparing for the zombie apocalypse, she stills finds time to write "As I See It," her witty, too often true column. "My urge to write," says Jennifer, "is driven by my love of cupcakes, with sprinkles on top. Who wouldn't write for cupcakes, with sprinkles," she wonders.

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